You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
