how can u be prego again
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
