either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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