Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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