alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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