you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
