Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
