Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
