Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
