Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
