i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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