Umm I'm too high to move.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He did a backflip because drugs
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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