Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
