He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Randomize
