I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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