ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
