Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
