So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
