If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
