My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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