So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
