Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
