I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
