Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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