Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
