And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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