You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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