I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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