I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
