I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
