just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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