I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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