Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
