Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
