So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
