i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
