I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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