I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
