I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
