So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
