well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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