Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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