Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
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driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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