Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have tasted many bathrooms
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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