What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
