guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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