Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
