The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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