Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
