Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
