if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
