i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
