DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
