Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
