If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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