dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
