On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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