the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My feet surprised me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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