I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
two words...techno handjob
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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