Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
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I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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