Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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