Got a toothbrush?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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