Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
