idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
